Another Goodbye
She does not think she could ever forgive him. That was the thought that remained with her long after the other anguished, furious emotions swirling through her with the force of a hurricane eventually dissipated into stillness.
Her first impulse was to quell her reaction, push the ugly thoughts and the tears deep, deep down to a place where she could not reach them even if she wanted to. But the tide rose gradually and brought with it the whole crumpled mess, nudging against the borders she tried so hard to erect. Her stomach ached with the effort of repression.
************
She opens her eyes. It is that time of the night when the moonlight shining through the window is the only thing the world consists of. That moment between awakening and sleep, she is uncertain where she is, despite the solid weight of the bed beneath her.
Within this silvery bubble of moonlight she feels disconnected from the present, the images she saw the previous afternoon seemingly unreal, like a dream she could forget with a blink of an eye. But even as she tried to convince herself that it was, in her mind’s eye she could see his careless beatific smile, mocking her. Forgetting came easily to him it seemed, and she wishes she could adopt the same.
It was the proverbial stab in the back, what he did. She allowed so few people in her life as a precaution, having learned the price of friendship the hard way over the years. People you thought were friends will hurt you and walk away, not necessarily in that order, she knew that now. She was wary of getting close to acquaintances, no matter how outwardly nice they seemed.
But him. He had been in her life forever. His roots had grown in her heart, twining with her veins and arteries. She loved him like family, despite the time and distance that had set them apart recently. To think he could casually toss her out of his life like a withered fern was excruciating. It was inexcusable.
Maybe his reasons are just the opposite, a voice in her whispered. You know him. Too well, that’s the problem. Just because you refuse to see doesn’t mean it’s not right. there.
Delving deeper into it was too much. She has misjudged herself.
The moonlight hovers, suspended and untouched by the inner battle going on inside her. She takes a minute to photograph this moment so she won’t linger. So she won’t turn back.
She will leave him here, their life’s memories ensconced in the shimmering light of a dream.
She closes her eyes. Now she can begin to forget.
